A Day in the Life of Larry Snow: Post-Election

Well, you've seen the "Day in the Life" and the "Day in the Life Election version," so here is "A Day in the Life of Larry Snow: Post-Election." Enjoy!

6:15: Wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare that Mike Skala has won the school board election by a landslide.

6:20: After repeatedly washing face with cold water, realize that my nightmare was not a dream but really happened.

6:30: After thinking about my election loss, I am still bewildered that my negative, unethical, untruthful, slimy campaign did not work. Cal Skinner told me it would.

7:15: Go to computer to make first attack of the day on the NW Herald Blog. Can’t find a single article about me to post on.

7:30: Realizing that I no long have an elected job on the school board, and never had an actual paying job, call Linda Moore to ask if she needs any help at the Township. I get her voice mail and wait for her to return my call.

7:45: Call Aileen, give her talking points for tonight’s school board meeting. She informs me that she already has her talking points ready and will no longer be needing my advice. She also then informs me that since she got twice as many votes two years ago than I got this year, she is now claiming herself as head of our political party – Solutions Now.

8:00: Go to computer and check Career Builder.com. Try to find if there are any jobs that meet my talents. Finding no listings for "political disruptionist", refine search to "political spin-meister". Still nothing.

8:05: Check voicemail. No call from Linda Moore. Leave her a second message.

8:15: Decide to check e-mail. While checking my e-mail I notice I am beginning to have a huge spam problem with offers from companies that sell car insurance.

8:16: Call Aileen back; beg her to have my role as chief of our political party back. She initially says no, but then says she will have to get a legal review. She then abruptly gets off the phone saying she has to go for a pedicure.

8:20: Check voicemail. No call from Linda Moore. Leave her a third message.

8:30: Call Cal Skinner to see what I can get on his blog today. He informs me that he is now going to focus more now on township government. I ask him if he wants to have lunch, he tells me he is busy.

8:35: Call Jameel at Daily Herald. Tell him I have a great scoop about the 2004 referendum. Jameel informs me that he was in high school in 2004 then and could care less.

8:50: Call Aileen back and concede that if I can’t be the head of our political party, I at least want to be an officer. She tells me she is still awaiting a legal review.

8:55: Check voicemail. No call from Linda Moore. Leave her a forth message.

9:00: Return to Northwest and Daily Herald on-line sites. Go back to previous articles about me and post attacks at random.

9:30: Call Jack Roeser. Tell him the $1,365 he put in my account a few days before the election won’t quite cover expenses. Hang up when Roeser suggests I get a real job.

10:00: Call Linda Moore once again, and I get David Moore. He says Linda is not available to talk to me. I take the opportunity to ask if he might have any mowing work for me to do this summer. Dave tells me to submit my resume. Realizing that I don’t have a resume, I decide that is another dead end.

10:10: Call my attorney and ask him to postpone my court date once again.

10:15: Start calling Del Webb residents at random in an attempt to find out why they did not turn out to support me this election. The first person I call asks if I had car insurance on the day of the accident. As I explain to the person that it is not a simple yes or no answer, they hang up on me.

10:20: Aileen calls me back and says that she and Linda Moore have officially taken over Solutions Now and have renamed it LindaDorf Independent Thoughts. She tells me not to call back.